


Someone to carry you

by tinyarmedtrex



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Canon Divergent, M/M, dumbledore is still a dick, first wizarding war, roommates to more
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-09
Updated: 2019-05-09
Packaged: 2020-02-28 23:47:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,200
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18766831
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tinyarmedtrex/pseuds/tinyarmedtrex
Summary: Remus and Sirius have been roommates for years. When it finally turns into more Remus has to leave on a special assignment for the order. When Remus is lost behind enemy lines Sirius knows that he has to rescue him, no matter the cost.





	1. Chapter 1

Sirius glanced up as the front door opened and Remus walked in, carrying groceries and looking generally exhausted. 

“Hey mate.” He said, standing to help with the bags and glancing at Remus, trying to gauge why he was so tired. The full moon had just passed so he didn't think it was that. Work had been hard on him lately, the bookshop he worked at always seemed one employee short and often kept Remus there past his shift. But Sirius doubted that it was either of those, at least not as the primary reason. His money was on the Order and their business with it. Both were active members, trying to recruit and quietly move against Voldemort and the Death Eaters. Of course, that was easier said than done, especially when the Ministry seemed to work against them more often than not. Sirius knew that Remus was involved in more than him. He had been slipping away at night, when he thought that Sirius was asleep. 

“Stop that.” Remus told him, picking up on Sirius’ careful scanning. “I’m fine.” He moved to put the kettle on, starting tea for himself as he put away the groceries.

He wasn’t fine though. Sirius could easily see that. The pair had been friends for over a decade and flatmates since graduation. He knew Remus better than anyone. He knew when Remus was happy, stressed, even horny - that the last one proved more problematic than the others. 

The pair may live together but they weren’t together. Not in the way Sirius wanted. And not in the way that he sometimes suspected Remus wanted either. He couldn’t be sure, they’d never talked about it, about them, but something in the way that Remus’ eyes slid over him after he’d had a few drinks, or how they always seemed to end up pressed together at clubs, told Sirius that there was something there. 

Not that he’d ever act on it. How could he? What they had now worked and he wasn’t going to upset that delicate balance, no matter how much he wanted to. He felt too protective over Remus and what they had. He wasn’t going to let anyone ruin it, even himself. 

“You’re not fine.” He replied, leaning against the counter. “When’s the last time you slept through the night?” He knew that his friend had trouble sleeping, on the worst nights Remus would wordlessly crawl next to Sirius, pressing against his back. Sirius knew it was the wolf in him, he slept better with someone near him. They never talked about it.  

“I get enough sleep. Maybe if you weren’t so preoccupied with my sleeping habits you’d get more.” Sirius watched Remus pour his tea, his movements measured and careful. Remus’ shoulders relaxed the second he gripped the mug, like the world was suddenly a little better. The action made Sirius smile. That was Remus, hand him a cup of tea and he could manage almost anything. 

“Just making sure my Moons gets his beauty sleep.” He replied, chuckling as Remus flipped him off. 

They ate dinner, Remus was still distant even while they talked about their days. Sirius knew it wasn’t personal but it hurt to be cut off by his closest friend. He wanted to fix it. Actually, he wanted to pull Remus close and promise that it would be okay. He wanted to stroke Remus’ cheek and rub his thumb over Remus’ knuckles but that was impossible. 

After washing up Sirius turned to him. “How about a game of chess?” He hoped it would distract his friend, help get his mind off whatever was stewing up there. 

Remus agreed, grabbing the board and setting it up. He took two pawns and put one in each hand before letting Sirius pick one. They played without speaking and once or twice Sirius caught himself staring at Remus as he chewed on his bottom lip or sucked his cheeks in. It was like he was trying to make Sirius focus on his mouth, distracting him. It wasn’t fair.

It did the trick though, Sirius lost the game, badly. But he didn’t care, by then Remus was relaxed and laughing, teasing Sirius for letting his queen escape.

“That was awful, you lost all your pawns in the first twenty movies.” Remus told him, smirking. 

“Ah, just because you get attached to all of your pieces doesn’t mean the rest of us do.” He retorted, grinning at the other man. 

“You need to be attached to some of them Sirius, otherwise you lose.” Remus played chess the same way he lived- cautious, protective of the things he cared about. Sirius was reckless, sacrificing pieces and lacking any real plan. Remus loved to comment on their differences in playstyles, pointing out that he normally won. 

Sirius shrugged and walked to the window that lead to their fire escape, where he then leaned against the frame and lit a cigarette. Remus didn’t exactly approve of his smoking, saying that he hated how it made the other man smell, but allowed it as long as he was near the window. Like he often did, Remus walked over, leaning against the other side of the frame and slotting his legs between Sirius’.

This comfortable touching was the crux of their relationship. Sirius wasn’t like this with anyone else, it was never as easy with others. He liked being close to Remus whenever he could and this view let him look at the other man. Usually he was looking at slope of Remus’ nose or the way his lips quirked up but tonight he was focused on the bags under his eyes, the slope of his shoulders. Remus was staring out the window, his leg warm against Sirius’. Even if he was in better spirits now he was still obviously exhausted and distracted. 

“I’m going to tuck in.” Remus said as Sirius put out his cigarette. He stood, stretching as he left the frame. Sirius followed. As Remus took a step back inside he tripped on the edge of their rug and Sirius reacting without thinking, catching him in his arms.

“You absolute clutz Moons,” Sirius said, brushing some hair from his eyes and smiling at him. Remus didn’t reply but Sirius saw him swallow a lump in his throat, letting Sirius hold him for a beat too long before drawing back and muttering a ‘thanks’. 

The next few weeks were like that night. Remus was distant and distracted. He stayed late after Order meetings, closing the door as he talked to Dumbledore. Whenever Sirius asked what they talked about Remus would shrug and say that he had a question. Sirius didn’t push but he could see that something was wearing on the other man. He was eating less and it seemed like he wasn’t sleeping. One day Sirius found him asleep on the table, his arm serving as a pillow.

Sirius had picked him up, carrying Remus bridal style to his room. As Sirius laid him down Remus woke up, sitting up and looking at Sirius, confused. “Where am I?” 

“You fell asleep at the table.” Sirius replied, standing. “You need to take better care of yourself.” He said it carefully, not wanting to upset Remus. They’d argued about this enough, Sirius being worried about Remus and Remus telling him that it was fine. He was tired of fighting about it, neither ever won. 

Remus grumbled a reply, laying back down. Sirius sighed. “You can’t sleep like this. You haven’t even taken your shoes off yet.” 

“It’s fine.” He replied, eyes already closed. 

Sighing, Sirius sat on the edge of his bed and began untying Remus’ shoes. The other man moved so Sirius could pull them off and it wasn’t until he was done that Sirius saw Remus watching him. 

“You didn’t need to do that.” Remus said, propping himself up on his elbows. 

“I know.” He replied, placing the shoes at the edge of the bed. He turned to Remus, wanting to say something but Remus beat him to the punch. 

“I know I've been distant but I’ll explain everything soon. I swear.” Remus was looking at him with such naked honesty that he couldn’t do anything but nod. Remus looked relieved. He sat up fully, moving closer to Sirius and drawing his knees to his chest. “I haven’t liked keeping secrets from you.” Remus was close enough that he could see that his hair badly needed a wash and trim. It tugged on his heart strings. 

Unthinking, Sirius reached out and fingered a lock of hair. It caught them both off guard, Remus’ eyes widened and Sirius nearly pulled back but then Remus leaned into the touch, his eyes falling shut. 

“I worry about you.” Sirius said softly, trying not to move so he didn’t break the spell. “I don’t like seeing you like this.”

Remus’ hand covered his. “Soon. I swear.” 

Sirius wanted to push, to demand answers, but he knew better. He simply nodded, drawing his hand back but not leaving the bed. “Change into your pajamas before you fall asleep. You need a good night’s sleep and you’ll never get it in that jumper.”

Remus chuckled and nodded. “Yes sir.” 

He stood, watching Remus for another minute before slipping out of the room. He fell asleep that night still worrying about his friend.

The next day was their weekly Order meeting. Sirius took some pride in the fact that Remus at least looked better rested, though he secretly thought the man could probably do with several more hours. 

As usual, Dumbledore was standing in front for the small crowd, sharing whatever information he could. It was never much, there were too many things that he couldn’t tell them for fear of the information falling into the wrong hands. He frequently told them how dangerous it was to tell anyone too much, in case they were captured and tortured. He’d updated them only once the mission was completed and even he rarely shared all the details. 

Sirius was in the back, lounging on the couch with his arm around Remus, playing with the bottom of his curls. He knew how it looked but he also didn’t care. James would have told him that he was playing with fire and he was bound to get burned. And maybe he was right but it didn’t stop him from reaching out and touching Remus whenever he could. Remus was focused on Dumbledore, hanging on his every word. That was fine by Sirius, it meant he could watch Remus, enjoying how his brows furrowed or how he muttered to himself when he disagreed. 

He was leaning in to make a joke about how Remus was going to get thrown in St. Mungos if he kept talking to himself but abruptly Dumbledore’s attention turned to them. “And finally we have one last announcement. We have a difficult mission coming up that will require the utmost stealth and skill. Mr. Lupin has agreed to take on this mission. We can’t reveal any details but he will be leaving tomorrow. Thank you for your service and meeting dismissed.”

For a minute Sirius thought that someone had cast a slowing spell. Everything around him moved at snail speed. People were standing and clapping Remus on the shoulder, bugging him for details. Remus laughed nervously, saying he can’t tell them anything. Remus accepting hugs and handshakes. Everyone talking then leaving then it was just them and Sirius still hadn’t moved. 

“Pads?” Remus turned to him, eyes full of concern. 

“You didn’t tell me.” Sirius knew he sounded like a jealous git but, well, he was a jealous git. 

Remus frowned. “I couldn’t- Dumbledore swore me to secrecy. I wanted to but-”

Sirius suddenly stood. He didn’t know which emotion to act on first- fear, anger, rage. “You’re leaving tomorrow and you didn’t tell me.” He repeated, still in disbelief. 

“I couldn’t!” 

Sirius turned on his heels, striding to the door. “Pads!” Remus called but he didn’t stop until he was outside, taking in deep gulps of air. Then there was a hand on his shoulder, grabbing him and spinning him around. “Talk to me!” Remus demanded

Sirius looked at Remus. He was distraught, upset about how Sirius was taking this. Later Sirius would tell people that he considered his actions, that he thought it through and knew what would happen but that wasn’t true. He just acted. 

He leaned in, pressing his mouth to Remus’. He tried to pour his emotions into the kiss, knowing it was probably his only chance. It wasn’t the best kiss, Remus’ mouth was still open and he was too surprised to respond. It lasted only a second and then Sirius pulled back, about to say something, to apologize .

But Remus’ lips were chasing his own. He wrapped an arm around Sirius and pulled him close, licking at Sirius’ lips to tell him to open his mouth. Sirius compiled, parting his lips so Remus could twine their tongues together. 

His hands wrapped in Remus’ hair, kissing him firmly. There was no space between them, the two snogging and moving against each other in a not very discreet alley. 

“Home.” Remus said, breaking the kiss long enough to speak. He started moving his lips down Sirius’ neck. Sirius pulled out his wand, apparating them to their living room. 

Remus didn’t even look around, pushing his hands under Sirius’ shirt. They were cold but felt good against his own hot skin. 

“Rem,” He asked as they parted so Remus could pull off his shirt, raking his fingers over Sirius’ body. He shuddered as Remus’ blunt nails raked over him. 

“What?” Remus asked, leaning in and beginning to kiss along Sirius’ collarbone. 

Sirius wanted to kick himself for asking this but he knew he had to. “Are you sure? Is this just a shag before you leave?” He struggled to get the words out because he didn’t want this to stop but he had to know. 

Remus stepped back, bringing a hand to Sirius’ cheek and shaking his head. “It’s so much more than that. I’ve wanted this for years. You?”

He nodded. “Same.” 

Remus seemed to decide that was enough. He pulled off his own shirt and stepped back in, kissing Sirius with renewed vigor. It wasn’t long before they stumbled into Sirius’ bedroom, Remus falling onto it the bed as Sirius stood, looking down at the man in his bed. Sirius had thought about this more times than he could count but all of it paled in comparison to the real thing. To see his best friend in his bed, staring at him with dark eyes. 

“Bloody gorgeous.” he said, running a hand down Remus’ chest and stopping at his trousers. “Can I take these off?” 

“Can’t do much more until you do.” Remus replied cheekily. 

Slowly, slower than he really wanted, he popped the button and unzipped Remus’ pants, pulling them and his boxers off. Remus’ erection sprang free and Sirius stared at it, admiring it. 

“Moons, how dare you keep something that perfect a secret.” He said, palming the head and watching how Remus bit his lip. “Can I?” He asks, getting on his knees between Remus’ legs. 

“Yes,  _ fuck _ , yes.” Remus said as Sirius started kissing his thighs, slowly moving to his erection. Part of him wanted to tease Remus for hours, just to hear how his breath hitched and his small moans but mostly he wanted to touch the other man. Remus’ hips jerked up as Sirius wrapped his lips around the head. He sank down as Remus sat up, feeling Remus watching him. He started to bob his head, enjoying the range of noises that were escaping from Remus’ mouth.

“Sirius, oh god, yes.” Remus’ hands were in Sirius’ hair, gripping it as he bobbed his head. He was getting into it, trying to see what elicited the loudest moans, when Remus abruptly pulled him off.

“What’s wrong?” Sirius asked, looking at him but Remus just pulled him up and onto him, kissing him soundly. 

“Didn’t want it to be over yet.” He said, pulling him onto the bed with him. “We’ve got a lot more ground to cover.” 

Sirius nodded, grinding against the other man. He moved down, kissing a pulse point on Remus’ neck as Remus asked, “Sirius, top or bottom?”

He felt his dick harden at the question. “Either but-” He looked up at Remus. “I’ve always wanted you in me.” 

Remus growled, flipping them so he was on top of Sirius. He ground against Sirius’ hips, making their erections rub together, before moving off. He came back with his wand and muttered a spell, making lube appear on his fingers. Removing Sirius’ pants and underwear he crawled back on him, leaning back and pushing a finger inside Sirius. He moaned loudly, trying not to think about how long it had been. Remus opened him up, teasing him and moving infuriatingly slowly. 

“Rem, please, fuck me already.” He begged nearly thirty minutes later. He was grinding down on Remus’ fingers, practically fucking himself on them. 

Remus nodded and kissed him again, crawling off him again and getting a condom from Sirius’ bedside table. “Good thing you have some.” He said, rolling it on before positioning himself between Sirius’ legs. He could feel the head of Remus’ cock butting against his hole and he whined. 

“Please Remus. Ple-” His words were cut off as Remus pushed in, going slow until he bottomed out. Once he did he waited, running his hands over Sirius’ chest and abs as he adjusted. 

“Move, it’s okay, move.” He begged once he was ready. Remus waited another second and then started to thrust, shallow at first but getting deeper as they adjusted to each other. 

Sirius found himself wanting to say so much, wanting to tell Remus how amazing he was and how good he felt. He wanted to say that he loved Remus, that he had loved him since fourth year. But what came out was closer to gasps and grunts, cries of ecstasy from both of them. 

“I’m close.” Remus said, grabbing Sirius’ leaking cock and pumping him. He leaned down, kissing Sirius again, groaning into his mouth as his hips stuttered and he came. Sirius was only a minute later, coating them both in his cum. 

They both collapsed, neither moving for a minute as they caught their breaths. “Fuck.” Sirius finally said, nudging Remus’ face up so he could kiss him again. They lazily made out for a minute before Remus pulled out, discarding the condom and standing at the edge of the bed. 

“Guess I should-”

Sirius shook his head, sitting up and pulling him back. “Stay.” Remus tumbled on the bed, offering no resistance.

“I have to leave early.” He said, laying on his side and looking at Sirius. Sirius could see a swirl of emotions passing over his face. “Before you wake up.”

He frowned, wishing that they had more time together, that it hadn’t taken this to finally push them together, but he nodded. “More reason to stay now.” The sides of Remus’ mouth quirked up and he kissed both ends, a gesture he’d wanted to do for a long time but hadn’t ever been able to indulge in. “How long will you be gone?” He desperately wanted to ask about the mission, and if Remus would be safe, but knew Remus wouldn’t tell him. 

“Sooner now that I have you to come back to.”

Sirius laughed, rolling his eyes. “One roll in the hay and you’re a bloody sap.” 

Remus shrugged. “Maybe.” Sirius waited for him to answer his question then said, “A week, maybe two.” He kissed Sirius again, cupping his cheek with a hand. 

Sirius’ stomach dropped. That sounded like forever, especially given this new development. But the Order came first so he forced himself to nod. “I’ll be waiting for you.”

“You better.” Remus said, leaning over to kiss him again. “We can’t owl while I’m gone.” He added, sounding sad. “No communication, it’s too dangerous.” 

“I know.” Sirius may hate it but he understood. “Just don’t go falling in love with someone else while you’re gone.”

Remus laughed. “Fat chance, I’ve been in love with you for years. If that terrible haircut you got 7th year didn’t turn me away I don’t think a few weeks will.” 

Sirius hit him lovingly. “I thought it would look cool.”

“You had a mullet.” He replied, teasingly. “No one looks cool in a mullet.” 

Now Sirius grinned, “But you still fancied me, bad hair and all.” 

Remus nodded, moving closer to him, his head on Sirius’ chest. “Like a fool.” 

“My fool.” Sirius whispered, running his hands though Remus’ hair. They fell asleep like that, sleeping as close to the other as they could. 

The next morning Sirius rolled over, hopeful that he woke early enough to see Remus but no such luck. There was a note, his name scrawled on the top in Remus’ writing. 

‘I’ll be back before you know it -Moony’ 

Sirius doubted it. After only a few hours he already wanted the man back. He forced himself to get up and make breakfast, cursing at how sore he was. 

Over the next few weeks he forced himself to keep living, trying not to focus only on Remus. It was strange not to have Remus around, he was used to cooking with him, used to talking to him and playing him in chess. They were friends, roommates, and now more and he hated not having Remus there. He had to close Remus’ door, the desire to go in there, to sleep in his bed, surrounded by his scent, was too great. 

Some days he was sure he had overestimated it, thinking that he was just a final hurrah for Remus before he left. But then he reminded himself that Remus had wanted it too, he said as much. He had kissed Sirius slowly and carefully and Sirius didn’t think that he would fake that. 

He found himself growling at his friends over minor things, irritated at them. He always ended up apologizing but he felt constantly tense and one edge. Even though he knew that Remus couldn’t contact him he found himself wishing he could owl him, just to hear that he was okay, that he was alive. 

He had tried to find out more from Dumbledore, anything about the mission, but Dumbledore refused to budge. He hated it but he forced himself to deal with it. He didn’t exactly have other options. 

He got into a pattern, coming home from work, ordering food from a nearby pub, spending a few evenings with Lily and James. At first, he hadn’t been planning to tell them about him and Remus, wanting to talk to Remus first, but it came out when James yelled at him for wallowing. He had been telling Sirius to get over it, that Remus would be fine and he had blurted out what happened. After that they treated him better. 

Two weeks passed and he started to let himself think about Remus’ return. Then another week and he began to feel apprehensive. Then a month. Now he was a wreck, forcing himself not to pace or demand news from Dumbledore. Something was wrong, he was sure of it, he felt it in his gut.  

They were at an order meeting, going over bland business. He had a plan to confront Dumbledore after, to force him to give Sirius some details, but Dumbledore beat him to the punch. 

“Finally, before we part, I have some news about young Remus.” Sirius perked up and saw that James, Lily and Peter did the same. They had all been telling him not to overreact but he knew they were worried too. 

Dumbledore paused, looking at him, then continued slowly. “He’s been lost behind enemy lines. We don’t know his whereabouts or his status. He has been carefully cloaked and hasn’t set out a distress beacon so we believe he is still alive. We will be evaluating our options and deciding on next steps.” 

That was clearly their dismissal but Sirius wasn’t having it. He leapt up, barreling towards the bearded man. “Options? What the bloody hell does that mean? You have to send a team! Immediately!” He could feel his friends surrounding him but he didn’t look at him, focused completely on Dumbledore and his infuriating calmness. He didn’t seem surprised by his outburst.

“Mr. Black,” He started, steepling his fingers, “It’s not as easy as that. He’s far behind enemy lines and hidden. We can’t send anyone else in without assessing the danger.”

“Send me!” He said immediately. “I don't care, I’ll go.” 

Dumbledore shook his head. “You haven’t trained, you haven’t been briefed.”

“Brief me then! Train me! I don’t care. He can’t think we abandoned him! We have to help him!” Sirius was screaming now, he heard himself but he didn’t care. He felt a hand on his shoulder, silently telling him to relax but he was too worked up.

“That’s simply not an option.” Dumbledore said, still annoyingly calm. It only angered him more. 

“Why not? You need someone to get him and I’ll willing. Tell me where he is!” He was growling, spittle flying out of his mouth. Part of him didn’t believe this, Remus was too smart, there was no way he had failed. He couldn’t have. It didn’t make sense. Something terrible must have happened, it was the only option. 

“Mr. Black there are many factors you don’t-”

“I don't bloody care!” He screamed. “What if he’s hurt? You can’t abandon him out there! You can’t just discard him because he failed!”

Dumbledore’s eyes flashed for just a moment. When he spoke again the warmth had bled from his voice. “Mr Black I understand that you’re upset but I urge you to think through your words. I promise I have not abandoned Mr. Lupin and that I will do everything in my power to see him home safely. You need to trust me.” 

More words spun on his tongue but James was pulling him back, muttering something to Dumbledore before dragging him away. 

It wasn’t until they were outside that his friends rounded on him. “You can’t do this mate.” James said, clapping a hand on his shoulder. 

Sirius stepped out of the touch, growling at him. “What if it was Lily?” He turned to Lily. “Or James. What would either of you have done?”

Both had the sense not to say that it was different. They exchanged a glance and quietly, cautiously, Lily said, “We’d feel the same Pads. But there’s nothing to do. You don’t know where he is. You have to trust Dumbledore. We all do.” 

Sirius wanted to be angry, he wanted to spit out all the sharp replies on his lips, but he couldn’t, not with them looking at him so sadly, like he was a petulant child. His shoulders slumped and suddenly he was holding back tears. “What if he’s hurt? What if he thinks we’ve abandoned him?” 

Lily stepped forward, carefully hugging him. “He doesn’t. Dumbledore will get him back.” Sirius fell into her arms, letting her comfort him. 

Lily and James insisted that Sirius come home with them, saying that he shouldn’t be alone right now. He followed them, unable to shake the feeling that he was making the wrong decision.

Another week passed, with more meetings and no updates. It had been over month now. Remus’ bed didn’t even smell like him anymore. Sirius had thrown out the milk he bought for his tea. It was starting to feel like he’d never come back.

After each meeting he tried to confront Dumbledore, to learn more about what was happening, but the man evaded him. It was like he couldn’t bring himself to tell Sirius the truth so he told him nothing. 

“I can’t do this.” He told Peter when they got a drink at a pub. “I need to do something or I’ll explode.” He gripped his pint harder than necessary, using it to ground him. 

Peter glanced around then leaned in, speaking softly. “I've seen the mission logs.” 

Sirius’ eyes flew up, looking at his friend. “What?” 

“I’ve seen them, the logs about where Dumbledore sends everyone. I was in his office and he keeps them on his desk.” 

“Did you see Remus’?” 

The smaller man nodded. “He’s in Scotland.” 

“Scotland?” Sirius had thought for a long time about where Remus could be, what he could be doing. He never imagined that he was so close. “Doing what?”

“Tracking down a werewolf pack, I think he’s supposed to get them on our side.” 

Fear struck Sirius. He knew that Remus wasn’t like other werewolves, he didn’t like how they lived off terror or how they treated humans like playthings. But it made sense, that Dumbledore would send him. 

“I’ve got to help him.” Sirius said, already thinking about what to bring and where to start.

Peter shook his head. “Sirius, you can’t. You still don’t know where he is, it’s a big country. And we don’t know what happened. He could be-”

A snarl from Sirius stopped Peter from finishing that sentence. “I can smell him. I can track him.” He grabbed Peter’s shirt, pulling him close. “You’ll need to cover for me.”

“What?” The other man squeaked. 

“Cover for me. Don’t tell anyone. I’m leaving tonight.” He would ring work, tell them that he was ill. It should buy him a few days. Hopefully enough time to find Remus and bring him home. 

Peter looked ready to argue more but Sirius was already standing. He threw some money down on the table. “Thanks mate.” He said, giving his friend a salute before apparating home. 

Once home he quickly packed. He’d be traveling in dog form for most of the trip so it didn’t make sense to bring more than the necessities. He stuffed some food and the medical potions they had in a small bag, also grabbing one of Remus’ shirts to use for scent. 

Glancing around the apartment he debated bringing more but decided against it. Better to keep it to the necessities. 

“I’m coming for you Rem.” He told a photo of them from 6th year, with him rubbing Remus’ hair. “Just hold on.” With that, he apparated away. 


	2. Chapter 2

Sirius was tired. He was tired of eating meager meals, tired of hiding when he heard any noise, tired of being in his dog form. He was tired. 

He had been looking for several days. He’d started in the high hills of Scotland, having heard that that was where the werewolf pack’s territory was. He spent the first day sniffing around and listening for any sound or scent of Remus. Occasionally, he’d get a brief whiff of the other man, the familiar musky smell that reminded him of books and tea. He’d follow it for miles  only to abruptly lose the scent. He wasn’t sure if Remus was masking it or if he just kept finding dead ends. It made sense that Remus would hide his smell, especially if he knew someone was looking for him. The thought worried Sirius, sending him into hopeless spirals about what could have happened to Remus. He tried not to think about it but ever dead end, every cold trail, reminded him just how long Remus had been gone. 

Several times, despite his best attempts to avoid towns and groups of people, he’d nearly been spotted. He’d had to quickly run and hide, once waiting for hours for it to be safe.  He had been surviving on slow rabbits and rats, things that tasted fine as a dog but made his stomach churn whenever he turned back into a human. 

He’d been sleeping in caves or under trees, trying to find whatever shelter he could. It was miserable, even with his thick fur. It felt like he’d never be warm again but he couldn’t risk a fire, not when he wasn’t sure who may see it. Besides the werewolf pack there were rumors of dragons and giants in this part of the country. The last thing he wanted was to be spotted by them. The warmth wasn’t worth the risk. He longed for his bed, for the small hearth they had and the blankets they piled on the spare chair. 

But he couldn't stop. He needed to find Remus, especially because no one else was looking. He only wished that there was a way to message Remus, so he’d know he wasn’t abandoned. Sirius had been having a reoccuring nightmare since he’d heard of Remus’ disappearance. Remus sitting in a cave, bloody and bruised, thinking that everyone forgot about him. The image alone made Sirius search harder. 

Spotting a small cave opening he crawled in, trying to ignore the chill in his bones. He settled into the most comfortable spot he could, his mind inevitably drifting to Remus. They hadn’t been apart for this long since their second year summer break. And that had ended with Sirius running away from home and showing up at Remus’ house late one night. His parents hadn’t had the heart to send Sirius home so they let him stay the last few weeks. The two had gorged on sweets and run around outside. It had been amazing. 

Now he felt the absence of his friend like a punch to the gut, missing him so much it hurt. The worst part was that he was running out of ideas for where to look. He’d been checking every cave and hideaway that he passed but Remus hadn’t been in any of them. He’d also been listening to conversations where he could, trying to figure out where the werewolf pack was. He had been following reports of missing sheep but it seemed like the pack was always a step ahead of him. Everytime the trail went cold he wanted to howl in frustration, annoyed that he couldn’t track better. 

He needed a new plan but he had no idea what to do next. Rolling over, he grabbed Remus’ shirt. He was worried that the smell was growing too faint to be helpful but he couldn’t stop himself from bringing it to his nose and inhaling deeply. 

Eventually, despite the chill and worries, he fell asleep. The next morning he woke up, hungry, cold and desperate. For the first time he wondered how long he could do this before he had to give up and go home. 

Changing back into a dog, he went outside the cave, trying to ignore the rumbling in his stomach. As he took a deep breath of the morning air he smelled something he hadn’t smelled in weeks. 

Remus. It was faint but it was him, Sirius was sure of it. 

Grabbing his meager supplies in his mouth he started galloping towards the smell, going as fast as he could so the wind couldn’t shift and cause him to lose the trail. It was the strongest it had been, strong enough that it brought back various memories like sitting in the common room with Remus while they all talked, watching a movie beside him on the couch, that night several weeks ago that already felt like years ago. 

Remembering all that made him push himself to run as fast as he could. He was being reckless- someone could easily spot the great shaggy dog running in the countryside- but he couldn’t stop. Not now. 

Eventually he reached the end of the trail. But this time, unlike the others, the smell didn’t disappear. It was stronger here, almost like Remus was standing next to him. He’d passed by a few small towns as he ran here but now he was in a barren area, farmland stretching out in front of him.

With caution he began to look around the area, trying to detect if there was a spell or something blocking his view. It took nearly thirty minutes- thirty long minutes where he was exposed and vulnerable- but he figured it out. The area was cloaked, something making it look like it was just a farm land but you couldn’t make scent disappear as easily. 

He changed back into his human form, trying to ignore how quickly he lost the scent. “Remus?” He whispered, his voice cracking from disuse. “Are you there?” 

He waited for what felt like hours. It was probably only minutes but standing there, hoping against hope that this worked, that he had finally found Remus, made time stretch on. All of his senses were on high alert, listening for any sound and trying to pick up any changes in the spell. He was tense, every muscle was taught as he listened. 

Finally he heard someone call out, “Sirius? Is that you?” Remus’ voice was faint but it was him, Sirius would know it anywhere. 

He practically sobbed with relief, barely believing that he had finally found him. “It is, let me in.”

He heard some shuffling but nothing changed. “How do I know it’s you?” Remus sounded closer now, his voice hoarse and low. 

“Ask me something.” Sirius wanted to scream that of course it was him but Remus was cautious to a fault. 

“6th year, when you nearly got yourself suspended, what was the prank?”

“Which time?” 

Remus chuckled. “When Mcgonagall threatened to call your parents and you didn’t care until she threatened to call the Potters. Then you finally confessed.”

“I put extra strength itching potion in Snivellus’ robes. James and I spent months trying to make it stronger, he nearly tore his skin off.”

Remus didn’t reply for a second. “Okay. Good. Now you’ve got to ask me.”

Sirius exhaled, he was worried there would be more questions. “Remus I trust you, just let me in, please.” 

“No, anyone can sound like me. You have to be sure.”

Sirius huffed again but knew that Remus wouldn’t let him in until he asked so he paused to think of something. Eventually he asked, “You nearly failed one of your owls because you’re a stubborn git who refused to ask for an extension over the full moon. We all stayed up for a week beforehand cramming. What class?”

“Charms.” Remus whispered. “Bloody charms.” As he spoke Sirius saw a small opening in the magic, just big enough for him to slip through. He did, nearly running into Remus, who was standing on the other side. He pulled him into a hug, releasing him when he heard a painful grunt escape from Remus. 

Sirius pulled back, looking his friend over. Remus looked awful, he hadn’t shaved or bathed in weeks, his hair was matted and his face was dirty. He looked thinner too, his already prominent cheekbones standing out even more against his face. Sirius could easily see why though, Remus’ arm was in a sling, it looked bloody and mangled. One of his pants legs was ripped open too, the skin had started to heal but it was in tatters. He was leaning on a stick, not putting weight on it. There was a long jagged scar running down his cheek, the only thing that looked already healed. 

But he was alive. Sirius didn’t know what to do. He wanted to kiss the other man, to pull him close and never let him go, but he wasn't sure if that was allowed. So instead he swallowed and, trying not to sound worried, asked, “What the bloody hell happened to you?”

Remus chuckled then shrugged as best he could. “Negotiations didn’t go as planned. The pack wasn’t very friendly towards someone they saw as a ‘betrayer of our kind’.”The last part was in air quotes. 

“Why didn’t you apparate home?” 

“I’m too injured for it. And I can’t heal these with magic, something in the werewolves’ salvia is mucking up my spells. So I’ve been waiting here, hoping that I can get better.” He gestured behind him and Sirius saw a small ramshackle cottage. He wasn’t sure that it would hold up to a strong gust of wind. Several of the side panels were missing and the roof looked leaky. 

“I lost my wand in the fight and you know my wandless magic is bollocks. I didn’t want them tracking me through potions or anything else. My scent was bad enough.” He looked at Sirius, swallowing as he took in the other man. “I can’t believe you came.”

“I couldn’t leave you.” Sirius said, turning his attention back to Remus. It felt like a dream and he was terrified of waking up. Swallowing his fears, he reached out to touch Remus, his fingers brushing Remus’ beard. “You were supposed to be back weeks ago and we didn’t hear from you and-” He felt tears rolling down his cheeks. Until now he had refused to admit what could have happened to Remus. He could have died- either from the werewolves or from the infection- and Sirius would have never known. None of them would have. 

“I’m okay.” Remus insisted then he looked at his arm. “Well, I’m not but I could be much worse.” 

Sirius laughed, wiping his tears away. “You’re alive. That’s all I care about.” He looked at the cottage. “Let’s go inside. I brought some things to clean you up so we can start there.”

The pair hobbled inside, Remus catching Sirius up on what had happened during the mission. He had found the werewolves without issue, they weren’t exactly subtle. Remus had had to fight one of them to even be heard, luckily he was stronger and better fed and had no issues there. He’d spent the first week with them, talking to them, trying to convince them to join their side of the fight. He thought that a few were listening, they seemed to be suspicious of Voldemort too and willing to join him.  

But the majority of the pack felt differently. Remus was an outsider who lived with wizards. There was always whispers that he didn’t belong and the pack leader didn’t seem to like him. He had treaded lightly, not wanting to rock the boat, but it hadn’t mattered. Too many of them saw him as an enemy and were worried that his side would force them to fight, that they’d only be sacrificial lambs if they joined. 

“One night, while I was sleeping, they ambushed me. There were three of them, all younger and stronger. I barely got out alive and I just ran and ran until I found this place.” He gestured around. The cottage held a small table, a bed and a hearth for a fire. Sirius could imagine who had lived here before and was sure that they had a miserable existence. “I’ve been living off rats and plants I find.” He said, finishing his story. “It’s not ideal but… it’s all I’ve got.” Sirius could tell that he was trying to put on a brave face but it was obvious that Remus wasn’t doing well. The place smelled like wet dog and Sirius didn’t see any evidence of recent food. He wondered how long it had been since the man had eaten. 

Forcing down his questions, he opened the pack he was carrying and selected one of the potions. “Drink this.” He ordered, then tearing some of the pack off and dampening it with his wand, he began to clean Remus’ face, which was a useless endeavor. “We need to shave your beard first.” He finally said after pushing the dirt around for several minutes. “And you need a bath.” 

Remus frowned. “Neither have really been on my list of priorities.” He glanced at Sirius. “And you aren’t exactly lemon fresh either.”

“I’ll take one after you then.” Sirius replied, pulling out his wand and conjuring a tub with hot water. He saw how eagerly Remus looked at it. It may not have been on his priorities but it didn’t mean he wasn’t excited by the idea. 

Both stood then Sirius realized that Remus probably didn’t want him watching so he added, “I can go look for food.” He said, taking a step towards the door.

“No I need-” Sirius looked back as Remus swallowed and Sirius could see his blush even through the beard. “Help. I need help. I’m not sure I can get these clothes off.” 

“Oh!” Sirius walked over to the other man. “Shirt first, okay?” Remus nodded, maneuvering as Sirius pulled his shirt off as delicately as he could. The sight underneath scared him, under Remus’ patchwork of scars Sirius could see ribs. Remus may be eating rats but it seemed like it had been some time since he had caught one.

“Now your trousers.” He said, putting his hand to the button. It was impossible not to think about the last time he did this. He looked away as they fell, trying to give him some privacy as he crawled into the tub, Sirius offering an arm as he sank in, a small ‘ahh’ escaping him. 

“Hot enough?” He asked once Remus was settled.

“Perfect.” The other man replied, his eyes closed and head tilted back. 

As he soaked, Sirius magicked some stew, pouring it into a bowl then casting lumos to make the room brighter. He pulled up a chair next to Remus, making him crack open an eye.

“Open up.” He said, holding the spoon near Remus’ mouth. 

“Are you really going to feed me?” 

“Your arm is all mucked up. And I’ve seen you use your right one, you’re useless with it. So yes. Now,” He gestured again with the spoon. “Open up.” 

Remus glared at him for a second then opened his mouth, allowing Sirius to slide the spoon in. “Good boy.” He said, earning a middle finger from Remus. He laughed, filling the spoon again and feeding him. The proximity was strange, Sirius and Remus were always close, touching, but this was more intimate. He wasn’t sure if Remus was embarrassed or upset, he didn’t speak as Sirius spooned more food into his mouth. Sirius tried to think of something to say, to break this strange tension but couldn’t. Everything felt either too major (what were they? Was Remus actually okay?) or too minor (the Chudley Canons lost last week, Sirius had been watching their favorite show without Remus). 

Eventually the bowl was empty and Remus was starting to look better. Sirius had swapped out the water, letting Remus continue soaking in clean water. After Remus washed himself Sirius got to the important task of starting to clean him up. 

“I could do all this you know.” Remus said as Sirius carefully cleaned his wounds. 

“Maybe but you’d probably muck it up.” He replied, applying ditany to one of the wounds on his face. Remus was watching him carefully, eyes trained on Sirius’ face. “Stop staring at me.” He said, feeling strangely pressure by the other man’s gaze. 

“You really came.” Remus said, sounding like it was just sinking in now. “You defied orders, ignored Dumbledore and came to help me.” His voice was raw with emotion. “You’ll be in trouble because of this.” 

Sirius stopped what he was doing and looked at Remus. “‘Course I did. I’m your friend.” And more, he hoped but didn’t say out loud. Not yet. They had more important things to worry about. Sirius wasn’t going to bring up that night until Remus did. 

Still holding his eyes, Remus nodded. “My friend.” He brought his non-injured hand to his face, feeling the skin. “Well you did an alright job here. Only missed a couple spots.”

“So bloody picky.” Sirius replied without any bite. He magicked away the last of Remus’ stubble, pleased with the result. Remus already looked more like himself, with his hair cut and face clean. “You ready to get out of there?”

“I can do it myself.” Remus replied stubbornly, trying and failing to stand on his own. 

“Obviously.” Sirius said, crossing his arms and waiting for Remus to admit he needed help. It took two more tries before he admitted it. Sirius moved next to him, bending down to lift Remus while Remus threw an arm around Sirius, getting his shirt wet. Sirius tried to ignore that his friend was naked and he tried even harder to ignore how light he was. Remus wasn’t looking at him but Sirius could see bright spots on his cheeks. Sirius took the chance to see if Remus was hurt anywhere else but, other than scrapes and bruises, he seemed okay. He placed Remus down on the bed, ignoring how empty his arms felt.

“Let me dry you then you can get dressed.” Sirius said after Remus placed his shirt over his crotch. Sirius could see how skinny he was, all the dark spots on his smooth skin. It did nothing to make Sirius want him less. All he could think about was kissing the bruises, adding his own that were there from pleasure and not pain. He knew it wasn’t the time but he hoped it would be, one day. He hoped Remus wanted him too. 

Remus’ nod pulled him from his thoughts. He did a quick drying spell and then turned to let Remus get dressed. He quickly magicked clean bathwater into the tub then stripped down, not letting himself turn to see if Remus was watching him. Once he was in the tub he turned to his friend. He seemed better, if exhausted. 

“Should I feed you too?” Remus asked, giving him a half smile. 

“No, my hands work.” Sirius tried to bathe quickly, before he said something stupid and invited Remus in. Once he was clean he put clothes on and magicked the tub away, quickly eating a bowl of soup. He caught Remus trying to hide a yawn. “Go to sleep, we’ll figure out a plan in the morning.”

Remus nodded, laying down on the inner side of the bed. Sirius stood, debating if he’d rather sleep in the chair or on the floor when Remus spoke. “You can sleep here.” He said, patting the empty space. Sirius balked and he added quietly, “It’ll be warmer.” 

Sirius decided not to point out the fact that if warmth was the issue he could create heat or blankets and opted to crawl next to his friend, trying not to touch him. It was nearly impossible in the small bed, Remus’ thighs bumped his, their shoulders touched, hands brushed. Every time it happened Sirius’ heart started to pound, wondering if it was on purpose. Neither spoke and eventually Sirius fell asleep, feeling grateful that Remus was alive and breathing next to him. 


	3. Chapter 3

The next morning Sirius woke up to someone curled into him. He panicked for a second, worried that James had fallen asleep next to him again and that he’d move to discover a pile of vomit. But then he remembered it was Remus. The man was pressed into his chest, Sirius’ arm thrown over him and holding him close. Sirius let himself stay like that for a minute, breathing in the smell of Remus and remembering that he was alive. Sirius didn’t know how bad his injuries were or how long it would take for him to feel better but Sirius had found him and he was breathing. That was everything. 

Eventually he forced himself to get up and start breakfast, hoping that he could make some approximation of Remus’ favorite breakfast tea.

Remus woke halfway through his preparation and sat up, watching Sirius with groggy eyes. It made him happy to see that his friend looked better rested. “Do you want some food?” He asked, magicking a small table for them and setting food on it. 

“Are you going to feed me again?” Remus asked, shuffling over and taking the tea clumsily in his non-dominant hand. 

Sirius watched for a second as the shaky hand rose to Remus’ mouth and how he frowned at the taste. “Yes, I want you to eat this, not wear it over yourself.” 

Remus rolled his eyes but a minute later opened his mouth when Sirius sat to feed him. Sirius again found himself trying to ignore how intimate the setting was, both of them leaning in, Remus’ eyes caught on his. There was something there, a heat, but Sirius didn’t know what it meant. 

“That night-” Sirius started to say, wanting to talk about it. Maybe it was still too soon but he needed to talk about it. There were too many strong emotions that he had forced himself to set aside until he found Remus but now they were together and there was no immediate danger.

Remus didn’t agree thought. The other man’s eyes fell and he asked, “Can we talk about it later?”

Sirius nodded. “Of course mate.” He put a forced smile on, standing and clearing the plates. The air changed in the small space, tense and awkward. 

“What are we doing today?” Remus asked after a few minutes. 

“Trying to heal that arm and leg so we can apparate home.” Sirius said, grateful that Remus’ comment gave him something to do. He opened the small pouch he had brought, showing Remus the medicines. “Neither of us did very well in herbology but hopefully these help.” 

It went on like this for the next few days, Sirius cooking and trying to help Remus, Remus taking potions and trying to get better. There was progress but it was slow, annoying them both. Sirius was eager to get back home, to safety, and he was sure Remus was too. More than once they heard people passing near the cabin and had to quiet down, afraid someone would be able to sense them. 

It was tense. Both of them were on edge, leading to several small, terse arguments where one would eventually break and turn away. Both tried to contain their anger but it was difficult. It didn’t help that they hadn’t talked about what happened the night before Remus left. They were sharing the tiny cabin and the small bed but they couldn’t say what that meant, if anything. Sirius would catch Remus watching him as he cooked, his eyes dark, but he never acted on it. Sirius helped Remus bathe and tried not to think about how easy it would be to touch him. 

It lead to the cabin feeling even smaller and both of them being irritable. They had discussed trying to leave on foot but decided that was more dangerous. Remus once told Sirius he should leave and get help but Sirius flat out refused to leave his friend. 

“Your cooking is really terrible.” Remus said a dinner on their fourth night, carefully raising a fork full to his mouth. He was able to eat on his own now, which Sirius took as a good sign. “How did you manage to burn a salad?”

The comment stung. Sirius knew it shouldn’t, that Remus was as cranky as him but he was tired of the comments. “I am bloody trying.” He snarled back. “You try to make food with no recipes or resources.” 

Remus looked at him, admonished. “Sorry - I-”

“Forget it.” Sirius said, hunching over his food. “Just forget it.” It had been a long day. They’d had to stay quiet for hours when the werewolf pack decided to wrestle in front of the cabin and Remus had accidentally spilled the last of one of the potions. The walls of the cabin were shrinking around him and all Sirius wanted to do was run. He hated this feeling, being trapped. He resisted pacing in the small area, knowing it wouldn’t help. 

“I wasn’t trying-” Remus started but Sirius interrupted. 

“I said forget it.” He didn’t need to look up to feel Remus’ eyes on him, to know he was being judged. 

“You know I don’t like this either.” Remus told him, his voice harsh too. “I’m not exactly having a fun holiday.”

“I’m only here to help you.” Sirius’ voice was low, full of frustration. He was sick of Remus not appreciating all he was doing, it wasn’t perfect but it was all he could do.  

“I didn’t ask you to.” Remus snapped. “I told you you can leave!” 

Sirius eyes flew up, looking at the other man. “We both know I can’t.” 

“Because I’m so defenseless?” Remus asked, standing and glowering at him. “I would have been fine on my own.” 

“Yea you were doing bloody great before I arrived.” Sirius said, taking another bite of salad. 

With a snarl Remus swiped the plate away, the contents tumbling to the ground. “What the hell?” Sirius yelled, jumping up. Then he saw it. The telltale signs that Remus was changing. His face had spouted more hair, his back was starting to hunch, his face elongated. “No, not now.” Sirius said, eyes wide. He had completely forgotten about the full moon. 

“Rem, are you there? Can you hear me?” He asked desperately but Remus was already dropping to all fours, looking more like a wolf and less like a man every second. 

Sirius started to panic, it had been years since Remus’ change was unchecked. Nowadays he spent them chained in their spare room, usually with Sirius by his side. The transformations were still painful but less so than they used to be, with the help of potions and chains to keep him from hurting himself. Sirius looked for anything to tie him down but found nothing and Remus was between him and his wand. His options were alarmingly limited. 

“Remus, hold on. Remember me? I’m your Padfoot, your friend, your roommate.” He held his hands out, trying to calm the snarling figure in front of him. 

It didn’t work. Remus was too far gone and Sirius knew that Remus didn’t recognize him as anything more than someone standing in his way. Wolf Remus was staring around the cabin, trying to look for a way to escape. When he didn’t find any his attention turned back to Sirius, growling at him like he was responsible for keeping him from freedom. Remus snarled at him, beginning to advance towards Sirius. 

“Rem, stop. It’s me. Don’t do this.” Sirius was trying to remain calm but it wasn’t working. His heart was beating rapidly and he was sweating. Both were bad because he knew that Remus could detect the changes. He always said it was easy for him to pick up on small changes when he was in wolf form. It was the predator in him. 

So Sirius took a deep breath and forced himself to stay calm, as calm as he could with a wolf advancing towards him. “Moony, you’ve got to remember.” 

The only reply he got was another low growl. Remus was only a foot from him now, hackles raised and teeth bared. 

Sirius knew that the most important thing was to keep Remus in the house. If he got out he’d almost certainly try to find the wolfpack and it was impossible to know what would happen then. So he did the first thing he thought of. He changed into his animagus and lunged at Remus, hoping to distract him enough for Sirius to get his wand and magic some ropes. He knew it would probably delay his healing but it was a better option than him escaping.

Remus yelped as Sirius dove but he soon recovered and the two were wrestling on the floor, Sirius doing his best not to hurt his friend while Remus went for the jugular. As they brawled Sirius desperately wished that Remus would remember him, just a little. Anything that would make him less likely to try and kill him. 

Then, suddenly, Remus was on top of him, growling, drool dripping down onto Sirius’ fur. He leaned in and Sirius thought he was going to rip his throat out but, to his utter shock, Remus hesitated, sniffing him instead of biting. His growling quieted and his eyes changed from rage to curiosity. To Sirius’ relief some part of Remus recognized him and it was calming him down. He was still on edge, his fur still raised, but he wasn’t trying to rip Sirius’ throat out.

Moving slowly he turned and crawled out from under Remus. The other man was watching him warily but let Sirius get closer. He nuzzled Remus, running his nose along the werewolf’s snout and then to his neck. Remus tensed again and then give a soft whine, his way of letting Sirius know that he was scared but okay.

Sirius moved closer until he was alongside Remus, their heads bent close. Then he laid down, hoping that Remus would follow suit. Amazingly, he did, resting his head on Sirius’ chest. Even though they’d been sharing a bed for the last few days this was different, it meant more. Remus as a werewolf was Remus at his most vulnerable. He hated showing it and hated being around anyone else when he was in this form. It had taken a long time for Remus to let the Marauders stay with him and even then he insisted on staying in a different room for the first few months. Once they had gained his trust things got easier. They would all spend the night together, curled up in their various forms on a nest of blankets. Remus said it always hurt less when they were there and since then Sirius made a point to always be there for him. 

They fell asleep like that, Sirius listening as Remus’ breathes became deeper and calmer. 

The next morning Sirius woke up first, thinking about how sleeping on the floor had been easier when he was 16. Remus had moved even closer, his back pressed to Sirius, cuddling close against him. He had forgotten about the other part of their transformations, that both woke up without clothes. He debated what to do, knowing how difficult the morning after was for Remus. He didn’t want to wake the other man but he also didn’t want Remus waking up to them naked. 

He opted to wait a few minutes, running a hand along Remus bicep, tracing the scars. Once, he had asked Remus why he didn’t see a specialized healer to get them removed. Remus replied that they reminded him of what he’d been through, what he could endure. The man may hate this part of him but he refused to pretend it wasn’t there. 

Soon Remus was stirring against him and, carefully, Sirius got up, throwing a blanket over the other man. He dressed quietly and started to make some breakfast, watching as Remus woke. 

“How are you feeling?” He asked, knowing that waking up after a transformation could be hard for his friend. 

Remus stretched, cracking his back and nodded. “Better. I mean, I feel like shit like normal but,” He held out his arm, which looked better. The skin was healed, there was still some bruising but it didn’t look like it hurt to move. “I think I can travel.” He said, looking up at Sirius. 

“Are you sure?” Sirius tried not to sound too eager, he didn’t want the man to get hurt worse by pushing himself. He knew that Remus’ tranformation could heal him, a weird exchange where the transformation tried to kill him but also healed his wounds. When they were younger he’d gone to sleep with a twisted ankle and woken up healed. “We can wait another day.” 

“I’m sure.” Remus started putting on the clothes that Sirius had left next to him. “I want to go home. As lovely as this shack has been I’m ready to be back at our apartment. And to get a decent cup of tea.”

“Hey, I am trying.” Sirius replied, handing him the meager breakfast he’d made. 

“I know, that makes it worse.” Remus offered him something Sirius hadn’t seen in a long time-one of his patented smirks, letting Sirius know that he was teasing. Sirius laughed, swatting at him. He’d always loved this Remus, the one who teased him and gave as good as he got. Any anger they had yesterday had melted away, both buoyed by Remus’ recovery. 

“Moons, I’ll buy you tea for a month once we get home.” Sirius promised, sitting down at the table to wolf down his food. Remus laughed then did the same. 

Minutes later the two were packed and standing outside their small cottage. “I may miss this place.” Remus said. He was leaning against Sirius, for support or just to be close he wasn’t sure. 

“I won’t.” Sirius replied. “Take down the spells and let’s go home.” Remus nodded, silently muttering the incantations to remove the protective spells. They wanted to leave no trace. Both knew that the werewolves would still be able to smell them but they’d done all they could to mask themselves and hopefully they’d be safely in London by the time they found the cottage. 

“I’m trusting you not to splinch me.” Remus told him as he finished, grabbing Sirius’ hand. 

“Hey, who passed their test on the first try?” 

“Me!” Remus exclaimed, laughing. “It took you three tries!” 

“Oh, right.” Sirius shook his head. “Well that was years ago.” He gave Remus’ hand a small squeeze. “Ready?” Remus nodded and Sirius apparated. If all went according to plan they’d end up outside London and would then apparate again to their apartment.

A minute later they landed, Sirius trying not to vomit as his stomach settled back in it’s rightful place. He immediately turned to Remus, making sure he was okay. The man was looking ahead, at the lights of London. “We’re home.” He said quietly. For the first time Sirius realized that Remus may have thought he’d never make it back, especially when he was on his own.

Sirius bumped his shoulder, smiling. “Nearly. That tea will be in your hand in a few minutes.” 

“Let’s go then.” Remus said and Sirius nodded, travelling again, this time to their flat. But as they approached their living room Sirius felt himself being curved, their bodies turned roughly away from their home. He tried to fight it but couldn’t, not without potentially losing Remus. 

They landed with a thud, both scrambling to their feet while Sirius brandished his wand and pushed Remus behind him. In front of him was not what he expected. It was Dumbledore, sitting behind his desk and looking over paperwork. 

He peered at them over his half moon spectacles. “You boys can sit.” 

Neither moved. 

“What did you say to us when you introduced us to the Order?” Remus asked. Sirius knew he was tensed, ready to fight or flee if Dumbledore gave the wrong answer. 

“I told you you that it would be dangerous but that you could save the world.” Dumbledore replied. “Now will you sit?”

“You have to ask us something.” Remus replied but Sirius could hear that he was less on edge. 

Sighing, Dumbledore put down his papers. “What was your first detention for at Hogwarts?”

“Borrowing Filch’s keys.” Sirius replied. 

“Lying about him stealing Filch’s keys.” Remus said. 

“Excellent. You’ve passed. Now, sit, both of you.” Dumbledore’s tone left no room for argument. Both sat. Sirius began to feel nervous, even if he was now sure that this was Dumbledore he didn’t feel comforted by that fact. The older man was clearly furious. He ignored them for several minutes, letting both squirm in their seats, before finally speaking.

“You disobeyed direct orders.” He said, looking at Sirius. “I should remove you from the Order.” 

Both Sirius and Remus broke into loud protests. Sirius arguing that no one else was doing anything and that he couldn’t just leave his friend to die. Remus saying that Sirius saved his life, that he would have died without him.

Dumbledore raised a hand, silencing them both. “So you did all this for a friend?” He asked, looking squarely at Sirius. 

Sirius spared a glance at Remus, thinking about what he had done and why. He would have done the same thing for James or Peter but if he was being honest it wasn’t because Remus was just a friend. He wished he knew where Remus stood for all this, how he felt. But he couldn’t ask now. 

So he nodded, looking back at Dumbledore and raising his chin defiatently. “I did and I would do it again.” He paused before adding, “sir.” 

Dumbledore nodded slowly, looking at both of them. “I believe that you will be on desk duty for the next few months Mr. Black. It will give you some time to think about your actions.”

“I’m not kicked out?” He asked. Dumbledore shook his head and he breathed a deep sigh of relief. 

“I suggest next time you don’t force your friend to be an accomplice.” Dumbledore added. Remus looked at him, eyebrow raised, but Dumbledore continued, “Mr. Pettigrew came to me hours after you left. It’s a miracle that you two didn’t get into more trouble in school, with his poor conscious.” Dumbledore paused, smiling slightly, then spoke again, “Now if you would be so kind as to leave. I need to talk to Mr. Lupin alone.”

“Can’t he sleep first? He been through a lot.” Sirius protested but Remus put a hand over his. 

“I’m fine Pads, I’ll see you soon.”

He wanted to argue but knew it wouldn’t help so he stood, nodding a goodbye and apparated home. 

As he looked around their small flat he was hit by a wave of comfort and happiness. Everything was just how he left it- down to the now moldy sandwich on the counter. Looking at it he remembered how little food they had. Assuming that Dumbledore would take a while, he decided to buy groceries and cook a hot meal for Remus.

The pot roast was in the oven and Sirius was at the window sill, smoking a well earned cigarette when Remus popped back in, looking thoroughly exhausted. He stood for a second, looking around the room like he was mentally checking that everything was the same. Eventually he looked at Sirius. 

“How was it?” Sirius asked. 

Remus shrugged, walking over and slotting himself behind Sirius’ legs, leaning against the other side of the frame. “Long. Dumbledore is pretty mad at you.”

“I don’t care.” He replied honestly. And he didn’t, he cared that Remus was here, sitting across from him. “I’m making dinner.” 

“It smells good.” Remus leaned his head against the frame, closing his eyes. Sirius thought he had fallen asleep until he spoke again. “So we’re just friends then?” 

As a reply, Sirius started coughing, shocked by the comment. Remus opened his eyes, waiting until he was done. “You okay?” He asked, looking like he was trying not to laugh. “Maybe you should give those up.” 

Sirius stuck his tongue out, focusing on breathing for a minute. Then he looked at Remus, trying to figure out what he was implying with that but his face gave nothing away. “What else would we be?” 

Remus’ face betrayed him and, for a second, he looked disappointed before his carefully schooled mask came back. “Nothing I suppose.” He started to stand and Sirius cursed himself for being stupid. This was the conversation he’d wanted to have for over a month. He stood, grabbing Remus’ hand and pulling him close. Remus looked at him, confused but not moving back. 

Gathering all his Gryffindor courage Sirius said, “I’d like to be more though.” 

“Really?” Remus asked, his eyes meeting Sirius’, full of questions. “We never talked about, that night, so I thought- I wasn’t sure if you changed your mind.”

“I didn’t, I couldn’t.” Then Sirius bent down, kissing Remus. Both melted into it. Remus’ hands wrapped around his waist and Sirius brought his to Remus’ hair, trying to pour everything into the kiss. When they pulled apart both smiled at each other and Sirius put his hand on Remus’ cheek. “I wanted to but we had bigger things to worry about.” 

Remus nodded, resting against his hand. “I remember last night, when you changed. I remember feeling safe when I was lying next to you, less feral.” 

“I’d like to keep you safe for a long time Remus Lupin.”

Remus chuckled, rolling his eyes. “Are you a romantic now?” 

Sirius shrugged. “Maybe. Only for you.” 

Remus laughed, leaning in and kissing him again.

After that night a few things changed. First, Sirius was much busier due to all his new paperwork duties for the Order. He didn’t mind it though, especially when Remus would come by with a bagged lunch and rescue him for an hour. Second, one of their beds was usually empty now, the two couldn’t bear to sleep apart anymore. Sirius wanted to know that his boyfriend was safe and close and Remus didn’t never had any complaints. The pair still sat in the window sill, leaning on opposite sides of the frame, but now their hands were always clasped, one stealing glances when they thought the other wasn’t looking. 

**Author's Note:**

> This is for the Wolfstar big bang. Go take a look at the amazing art that accompanies this!  
> [Wolfstar art](https://izulkowa.tumblr.com/post/184754370376/my-entry-for-this-years-wolfstar-big-bang)


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